At the beginning of each year I pick a word for my theme, rather than making a resolution. I decided in December that for 2019 my word was WEIRD. The last several years I have picked action words, which have been helpful, but I felt I needed something different this year.

I have previously talked about how odd I feel and have felt for most of life. The reasons and contexts have shifted over the years, but the feeling persists. I’m not like fill in the blank. I have never been like fill in the blank. On an intellectual level, I understand this makes me interesting and unique. When I was a teenager I hated it, because I got a lot of attention for things I felt were beyond my control. I didn’t want to be noticed and especially not for reasons that made me different. I don’t think my young mind would have understood you can’t be noticed if you are like everyone else.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to turn down the volume on what I think other people like. The worry is still there, just quieter and quieter. Instead, I’m learning to turn up the volume and pay closer attention to what I want and what interests me.

So, WEIRD: for me, this is about remembering to follow my curiosity and pay attention to what draws my attention, especially if I notice that internal judge sitting next to me with a frown on her face. It’s about going to the places that scare me, not because they are dangerous, but because I fear no one will go with me. In my experience, I have found wonderful friends when I dare to venture out.

Since the intention is tied to my writing efforts, I also want to declare my writing goals for 2019:

• continue to submit my completed short story to markets
• Write one blog post a month
• Finish revising current short WIP – codename scallops
• Create a draft of codename s’mores so I can get feedback for revisions